Are they really "blessings"?

Wow... So much to write about, I feel like!

We are blessed. I write this with contradicting thoughts, and have the same feelings when I hear the words come out of my mouth, too. What exactly does it mean to be "blessed" anyway? If I consider myself "blessed" for having a healthy, growing family... Are those who don't have the same not "blessed"? And if so, why not? I mean, I know God blesses each of us in our own ways, according to His plan for us..... but, I think the word is often overused. If we have a good crop, but our friends have a bad crop, why are we the "blessed" ones? And if we had the bad crop, were we cursed? Blessings aren't really earned, are they? I've even heard people use the phrase "We bless you" in prayer. Who has the power to bless God?

Got side tracked there..... If anyone has some good insight on that, let me know. :)

So, we're adding a little girl to our family. I'm thrilled! As I've said before, I always imagined my family with 2 boys. The thought of having a girl makes me get butterflies, and the idea of this little girl being loved by Heath just delights me. The guy just knows how to love. -- We got a pretty certain guess on the sex of the baby last week, and when we found out, I expected Heath to be happy about it. He had kinda hinted here and there that he would like to have a girl, but when we left the doctor's office, he almost looked like he could throw up! I asked him what was wrong and told him I'd expected him to be more happy about it. He said, "I'm scared. I wanted a baby girl.... but not a teenage girl." Haha :) - I'm about halfway through the pregnancy now... he's got a little more time to prepare.

On the downside, I'm having kidney trouble again. My babies like to just grow that direction and take over that space, so I'm just hoping it at least stays as tolerable as it is now. It causes lots of pain... got me down to where I was hardly able to walk for a while last time. So, prayers for that are appreciated! Oh, the trouble we go through to get them here... and in the end, it's all just a few months of treachery that lead to a lifetime of joy.

Joy.... yes! Joy is what my little Luke brings to my heart. He's so silly... I love him so much. He thinks he has a baby in his belly, too. He says "Sorry" (or "sah-ee") now when he knows he's done wrong or when he gets in my way.... He loves getting up and going to work with Daddy in the mornings when I go to the gym. He eats and eats when I cook and says "yummy" ("a-mee") after every bite - which I consider a great compliment! He's been using the potty lately.. today has been his best day so far (3 times before lunch!). He sits and pees, and then he claps and dances for himself.. and looooves flushing. He likes for Heath to lay with him at night to go to sleep, and Heath usually falls asleep in there, too. Oh, and he loves watching videos of himself on my phone... he's deleted several pictures and videos by accident, so here's a few of what I've been able to save!

Keetha (Kakee) took Luke to Sesame Street Live last weekend... I went along, too. :)

His favorites right now are Elmo and Abby. :)

Kakee is one of his favorites, too!

Yesterday was a nasty day (we've had lots of those lately), but we went to the park anyway. There were roofers working on the house next door, and we were tired of listening to all that racket! Here's a clip of him... he makes me laugh. He's always been a cautious little thing.

It's actually pretty today! We're gonna get out and play... Luke's got a farmer's tan already. Maybe we can even it out a little bit. :)

Farming, Vegas, and Blessings

We have officially started our busy season again! We've had some lunches in the field, a few evenings of checking water, and a tired Daddy at the end of the day. Heath got his truck in September, and he's halfway caught me on miles on my car - which I've had for 2 1/2 years! Between miles on his pickup and hours on his spray rig and stripper, I think he'll easily spend half his life behind the wheel.

We did get to sneak away for a few days this past weekend though... We went to Vegas! It was pretty spontaneous. We booked it a week before we left. Last time we went, I was pregnant with Luke! It was lots of fun though.. we had dessert every day, shopped, gambled, and slept. I know it's cheesy, but I reminded Heath how proud I am of him.. and I really am! I loved that we could just go and do whatever we wanted.. We've been blessed with generations of hardworking men who have helped pave the way for Heath do what he loves... and after working hard, he loves playing hard, too. :)

This trip was the first time we left Luke for a weekend. He stayed with Mimi and Papa. It was weird for me. At the airport before we left, I reached for a wipey in my purse. When we'd sit down to eat, it was weird not hearing Luke say, "a bite? a bite?". We both were constantly throwing in Lukerisms. It was good to come home to him.

Yes, I'm only posting pictures of our desserts. I'm pregnant.... I can. :) We had a hot fudge and caramel sunday at Serendipity.

This one was at Texas de Brazil.... after all that food, we still found room to clean this plate, too!

We saw the water show this time... Heath's seen it a few times. I'm not a good tourist... If I see it, fine... if I don't, fine. It was pretty cool though. Even better than that, I thought, was watching a guy spray paint the scene of the water show in less than 10 minutes. If you've never seen it, it's something to watch. I found a speedy sample clip on youtube. Check it out!

Oh, and here's an awkward moment we had while we were there..... We got on the elevator to go down to breakfast at our hotel one morning, and I was hugging on Heath on the ride down when the elevator suddenly stopped on the floor below and opened for more people to get on. When we heard the bell go off, we both pulled away from each other looking guilty to the couple who was getting on. She said, "Caught ya!" And we laughed and the elevator continued down. This is when we stood and heard her comment on what kind of phone he had and then heard her say, "Do you remember my name?" He said, "No." I then realized that he was freshly showered, but she was still in last night's clothes! -- So, I was "caught" hugging my husband on an elevator... annnnnnnddd the guy you were just with didn't even remember your name. Classy.

Luke is the entertainer everywhere we go now. He doesn't know life outside the center of attention! Since he's only around other kids on occasion, he's amazed when he sees kids. At Mom's for family dinners, I can hardly get him to eat because he's too distracted watching all the other kids eat. When we go to the park, he just sits and watches the kids at first and then realizes he can actually play, too!

Luke has never been a big paci fan. He'd take one, but never really was attached to it. When Heath was gone to Vegas for the race, Luke became a paci addict. Maybe it was missing Daddy that caused it? I don't know.... but he named it and throws a fit when I take it out to try to understand what he's saying. He calls it his "me". I only let him have it for an hour a day probably (besides bedtime)... So, he can forget about it, but if he sees it on the counter, he begs for it. I have to distract him from it. I always planned on taking it away before his 2nd birthday.. and I am still going to, but it's gonna be a much bigger task now!

He loves riding the tractor with Heath. He rode with Heath for a good 3 hours one day and still wasn't ready to get off when I picked them up. He sits in the buddy seat and likes wearing his seat belt. I feel like I've gotten ahead on my housework since he's been less of a clinger. It's probably that, combined with the beginning stages of nesting (ha!). It's been nice though.

I think he sleeps half the time... :)

So, this pregnancy is still going pretty smooth. We find out what we're having on Monday. I've been having crazy dreams here lately. Sometimes, they're disturbing. Like last night, I had a dream that I was watching this baby move in my belly and saw the outline of a giant hand come up. Other than that, and some back pain, I have no complaints. I'm actually just already ready to meet this little one... I don't mind being pregnant, but I don't love it. I think it's an amazing experience, but the end result is what's so thrilling. So thankfully, it's going by pretty fast.

Maybe next time I blog, I'll have a reference to this baby besides "this baby"! :)

Spring Fever!

"Goin' to check water..." - omg! When Heath rattled that off the other day, I had to play it back in my head to make sure I heard him right. I'm so glad warmer weather is here, and as bad as I hate winter, it flew by. We've really enjoyed getting outside and playing... Luke was hardly walking good enough last year to enjoy it very much!

So here's a look at what we've been up to lately....

For Jaxon's 2nd birthday, we all went to the Science Spectrum and to watch the Dinosaur film in the Omnimax. The kids all loved it, and they all did great! Luke loved driving the fire truck.. Here he is with cousin Miley.

They have some crazy roller coaster type contraption for balls. Luke loved sitting and watching it go.

Luke and Jaxon liked watching the train too. Luke would say "Choo-Choo!" - He talked about the "choo-choos" and Jaxon (aka "Jah-own") for several days afterwards.

Heath goes to Las Vegas every year for a guys trip to watch the NASCAR race. He's gone 4 or 5 years in a row now. A bunch of farmers from here (and a few non-farmers too!) get together and go for about a week. They all take campers and motor homes, take a couple days getting there, camp out at the track, and take a couple days getting back. Heath looks forward to it every year. When I tell people my husband's gone to Vegas for a week for a guys' trip, they bug their eyes out, and I often get comments like, "Wow, you're a good wife, letting him go." But let me assure you, it's not quite the Vegas guys' trip most people have in mind. They know how to have fun, don't get me wrong... but I have lots of respect for the guys he goes with. Anyways..... While he was gone this year, Luke and I took it pretty easy. I let him sit (stand, really) at the table with me at meal times. After he got to feeling better, he was a bottomless pit! We wore pajamas almost all day one day and had soup for lunch, and using the spoon just wasn't getting him full fast enough! :)

So, this was what Heath was up to for part of his trip.... haha. Poor thing! He was helping one of the guys throw trash away into a big dumpster one morning and went to give the bottom of the bag a boost. When he did, some glass went through his hand. This happened just a few hours before the race! I called him when we got out of church and he answered his phone in the E.R. - 15 stitches later, he made it back to the race 100 laps in. It looks much better now, but he still has the stitches in for a few more days.

Gracyn came and hung out with Luke one day last week. We joke about these two getting married someday and Gracyn being a farmer's wife. The first thing Gracyn played with was one of Luke's tractors. I think she'll be a better farmer's wife than me if she's down with driving tractors!

But in return, Luke might help her with the laundry! haha :)

Gina ran out of gas one day on College Avenue (I still can't say this without at least a chuckle... haha) and called Heath to come to her rescue. So, this picture was fitting, too! Luke's getting his practice in early. :)

Heath's had a little shadow lately. The thought of possibly having a little girl kinda scares me (even though I'm almost positive it's a boy) because of the fact that she might want to be like me as much as Luke wants to be like Heath. It's less pressure on me for little boys to idolize their daddies! --- Oh, and he's gotten to where he calls Heath "Heath" about half the time. We, of course, think it's pretty funny.

We had popsicles almost every day after nap this last week! Luke would say "mmmm" after every bite. He had a few last summer, but he was really messy with them. He can eat one without ruining a shirt now! Yeah!

My newest niece was born on March 15th! Londyn June - She's just precious! We're looking for her to help Luke get used to a new baby being around. Her birth makes my 5th niece! I'm so blessed.

My parents are in Dallas for the weekend and are getting to see this little one, too. I got this picture of her today. Norah Rose - She is Jordan in female form. She's a little over 2 months now. It's crazy and sad how fast they grow!

A Candid Post

Just setting my fingers on this keyboard gives me some sort of relief, but I warn you that this might be terribly honest. I feel like some sarcasm could get poured onto the keyboard.... like on the Garth Brooks - Red Strokes video when the paint seeps through his sleeves onto the piano. haha :)

This week, we learned the having the flu set mine and Luke's immune systems pretty far back. We've both caught everything under the sun since then. He's now on steroids for a croupy cough, and he had to get an antibiotic shot 2 days in a row at the doctor to help prevent more sicknesses and ear infections. This may not interest any of you, understandably... but I write this so that I can read back on it and remind myself that I've survived long, sick days and pretty miserable times. He knew exactly what was coming on day 2's shot, too... Poor thing. I choked up when the nurse left the room and assured Luke that I would've taken those shots for him if I could've. I know he didn't understand me, but he'll understand it when he's 25 with his own kids!

I had an appointment the other day, too. Baby is doing well! I'm at 13 weeks now. I can't think of one single complaint lately, either. I think fruit might take over our refrigerator before long. I can't seem to get enough of it lately - especially citrus. I sent Heath a sonogram picture yesterday (he's out of town), and he told me he had just bought the baby its first onesie. :)

One thing about this pregnancy..... is how little tolerance I have for other peoples' ignorances. I'm telling you, every time I log on to Facebook, I'm highly tempted to delete about the same 5 "friends". Haha. I find myself getting terribly frustrated at idiot drivers, and I had an overwhelming urge to punch the guy in Verizon when he looked at ME like I was stupid for saying that my phone was highlighting and scrolling on its own. Oh, and you know another thing that makes me mad about that place? If you walk in and they're not busy, you have to wait for them to finish texting before they'll approach you to help you. UGH! The guy helping me yesterday sent a text while he was helping me. Seriously? That's just really not professional.... like a waiter taking a smoke break when I need a refill.

Luke can always brighten my day though. :) Even on his rough days, it makes me focus on helping him and takes some of the selfishness out of me that I'd otherwise let takeover without him. It's funny how that happens. My daily routine went from watching my morning shows, taking showers until the hot water ran out, spending however long I wanted to fix my hair, etc. to watching Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse and Sesame Street, taking quick showers to save enough hot water for Luke, and fixing my hair "good enough" because he's probably about to mess it all up playing peek-a-boo with me anyway!

Some of the things he's done lately.... He'll pretend like he's going to work and tell me bye, blow me kisses, and walk out the back door and get on his 4 wheeler. He's identifying letters really good, and the cutest one he says is U because it's like "Eww." :) He thinks they're saying "Mimi" on the Wonder Pets, but it's actually Ming-Ming. He notices familiar vehicles going down the road and shouts out who's it is. When he's trying to tell you what he wants, and you interpret it right, he laughs and it sounds like Fran from the Nanny.

We are loving this warmer weather. Heath scalped the yard last weekend, and Luke was out helping in his pajamas.

Heath's ready for the day when Luke can really mow the yard and take out the trash. :)

He thinks he needs to pose for pictures now!

He's saying, "cheeeeeese". :)

His hair looked like Guy Fieri's yesterday.

Here's a sonogram picture. You can see the head, belly, and arm.

And this is the little boy we're sponsoring through World Vision. I sent Heath the last 2 pictures (of Luke and the baby), and sent him this one too... saying I had sent him pictures of all of his kids. :) His name is Soneni. Isn't he cute?

More Genes, Luke, and Metallica :)

After my last blog, I heard some interesting comments from people, so I thought I would share them - and clear up a few things too! Heath was the first one... he said, "You give me too much credit!" See, I like the humility in him, too. :) That's another strength of his. -- Next, was my life-long mentor and friend.. he told me he could give me a longer list of my own qualities for our children to get than what I listed (and added that athletic ability wouldn't have ranked as high as I put it). My mom was the last one... she called and said, "I was reading your blog... and the whole point of it was what you wanted your kids to get or not get from you and Heath. And I thought, 'Oh no! She inherited that unworthiness (in talking about my struggles with pleasing God) trait from me!'"

So, here's what I probably should've mentioned... I've had to really reflect on these things in the last few days! But, I'm a really good listener. I am a loyal friend. I'm an optimist. I know how to love. I love making people smile and laugh. I'm pretty selfless and easy going. I'm honest. I'm forgiving. Helping others, for me, can make a bad day better. I'm a prayer warrior. -- These are all things I would like to pass on to my children. :)

Now, let me get back to Luke! I love sharing about him. It's so much easier to type than my good qualities - and more interesting, I think, too!

Praaaaaaisssee the Lord! Luke has FINALLY gotten through this last phase of separation anxiety. I love it. He played in the backyard all day yesterday by himself. When he wasn't doing that, he was in his room watching Toy Story. (Yes, he's 1 1/2.. and yes, I have a TV in his room. I put it in there when this separation anxiety started about 6 weeks ago to help encourage him to play in there.) Life is good.... I can walk out of a room without a whining monkey on my leg.

I would check on him often while he played in the backyard yesterday. One time, I went out to find this - He loves Izzy. He calls her "E-E".

He's putting 2 and 2 together all the time now, too. He knows when Daddy leaves, he's going to the farm. He says, "Dada bye-bye tractor?" -- We usually eat with my parents a couple times a week in town for lunch. So, when I get shoes on him and tell him we're going to eat, he says, "Eat Mimi Papa?" -- He sees Heath kiss me on my cheek every morning before he leaves, and the other morning, he climbed up and kissed me on my cheek and ran towards the door saying, "Byyeee!!" -- Oh, and Woody and Buzz are actually "Woo-ee and Buzz" now.

He loves doing things like Daddy, too. I was going to treat Luke last Saturday and go get us some donut holes. I couldn't get him to take a bite of one. The next morning, Heath got up and warmed some up and Luke ate them like they were going out of style after watching Heath. Easy as that! Daddy do it, Luke do it.

We went to the park and had snow cones on a pretty day about a week or so ago. He absolutely loved it and threw a huge fit to leave.

Now, with this new baby, I've almost survived the first trimester! We've been hearing mixed opinions on what the gender of this baby will be. I'm truly feeling boy. When I think about my complete family, I just imagine Heath and me with 2 boys. I think people assume that we want a girl since we already have a boy, but that isn't necessarily the case for me. I'd be satisfied with 2 boys. I've told people, "I'll be excited if it's a girl, but relieved if it's a boy." -- I've asked Luke if he wanted a brother or a sister, and he said, "Buzz?" I just hope I don't deliver a Buzz Lightyear... of all the things that could go wrong! haha :)

We plan on being through with kids after this one... no matter what. Even my Mom was like, "Really? But I'm so glad I had a daughter." -- Well, I was the girl who grew up with 2 older brothers.... I wouldn't have it any other way, don't get me wrong. I love my brothers to death and probably would've killed a sister. But I was a TOM BOY having 2 older brothers. I had 2 Penny Hardaway jerseys - one from the Dream Team and one from Orlando Magic... and I LIKED wearing them. Like this one....

While other girls were doodling their names with curlicues in elementary, I was doodling mine with lightning rods like Metallica because that's what my oldest brother listened to and had posters of. My name was perfect for it, too. SARA in all caps... written like lightning... with a big bolt of lightning bringing it all together at the bottom. Gosh, I hope I never signed a yearbook like that. haha :) Here's an idea of what I'm talking about.

I was mean, too. I see people now, and I'm like, "Man, I was mean to her. Or, man.. I shouldn't have treated him like that." I can remember fighting with other kids using empty giant pixy sticks as whips at the baseball park watching my brothers. I said "bull crap" in 1st grade and someone told on me for it. ----- So, needless to say, I think I'll stick to my plan and have 2 kids, no matter the gender of this one. Heath's feeling girl a little bit more than me... so, I guess we'll see. We're in the process of getting a bet going about it. Only time will tell!

The Gene Pull

I think it's pretty safe to say that Luke and I are catching up for all the sicknesses we've skipped out on in the last year and a half! We both came down with the stomach bug yesterday evening.. Luke got to experience another first: throwing up! Poor baby. We had just been back to the doctor on Friday, too, to find out that he had a double ear infection. He ran fever through the weekend, and then got the tummy sickness! His doctor thinks he never really got over the last ear infection because of his reactions to the medication and never finishing a full round of antibiotics. So, we're trying a third one... it's seemed to help with that end of the deal. Oh, and I was really proud of Heath again yesterday when he scrubbed Luke's strawberry throw up out of the carpet while I was throwing up in the bathroom. Anyone who relatively knows Heath knows that these things are HUGE tasks for him with his weak stomach. He gagged a few times, but other than that, he did a good job. (TMI for anyone? haha... sorry.)

I'm inevitably going to worry about the health of this growing baby when I come down with any type of sickness. We're in recovery mode now, thank goodness. I'm just waiting on some energy to build so I can get to cleaning..... Pretty sure my house wreaks of vomit. So, in my down time, I thought a lot about being pregnant and the things I've thought about with Luke and this baby. One thing in particular - Heath and I wanted our kids to get the best of both of us. We both recognize our weaknesses and hope that those genes get bypassed to our children. I think Heath and I compliment each other, in terms of those strengths and weaknesses, but to be able to "pull" our own genes and place them in our children would be awesome! So, here's some specifics on what I hope our kids take, and don't take, from us.

- Heath has the most simple way of thinking. I love that. I think I naturally complicate and over analyze things.

- Heath's faith is also simple. He loves God, God loves him. I've beat myself up over the years for mistakes I've made and allowed them to separate me from the Lord. I make myself suffer consequences God doesn't intend for me to. I've tried to live by works and not by faith - Trust me, it got me no where. I've learned a lot from Heath and his simple, steadily growing, relationship with the Lord.

(These are now turning out to be Heath's strengths... it's easier to find someone else's strengths! I'll eventually list a few of my own, too.)

- Heath naturally likes healthy food. Don't worry, he'll also eat a whole pan of blueberry muffins in one sitting. But, in high school, he'd choose strawberries over cookies. Me, on the other hand... I'd put strawberries in ice cream to make it "healthy". haha. Now, he's developed an allergy to most raw fruits (started when he started farming... supposedly it's stress induced). I didn't develop good eating habits until I started my nutrition degree.

- He's pretty tidy. He takes good care of everything he spends money on. He likes his truck clean, his tractor, the camper, etc. I like things clean, but it just doesn't come as natural to me. Sometimes, I feel guilty when he gets in my car and it's messy... I always feel like I could do a better job at keeping my car clean.. again, to show him my appreciation for providing for us like he does.

- Here's one for me! I've always stood up for myself. Do me wrong, I probably won't just brush it off. Heath sometimes goes overboard to avoid conflict. At times, he's let his heart be bigger than his brain. He's a lot better than he used to be. I've even been guilty (in early years of dating) of taking advantage of the fact that he rarely had a backbone.

- A strength that both of us share is how much we care about other people. I think we both have an awareness for other peoples' needs. Examples are anything from helping out an elderly person in the grocery store to having the heaviest hearts for others' misfortunes.

- I always did good in school. I enjoyed it. I love reading. Heath...... not so much! He'd sign his own progress reports. He's said he was afraid to ever actually have his Mom sign it because the signature would've looked different than all the other ones he'd turned in.

- Heath is the same no matter who he's around. I'm not necessarily a "social chameleon" (I found that randomly on urban dictionary the other day. I liked it), but I tend to be reclusive around people I'm not too familiar with. I think any one person who comes in contact with Heath would say the same things about him. I like that.

- I have a touch of athleticism. Not that it really matters in life, and let me emphasize "a TOUCH." I think the importance of high school sports is a bit too much... but I think it's fun to go out and play a game of PIG with just about anybody and stand a chance. I think my kids could miss out on some fun if they get Heath's athletic gene. haha :) I love you, babe, but you can embarrass me with your bank shots in Tony's front yard.

I think that's about all of the big things. Don't think I haven't hoped for our kids to bypass petty things like cow licks (that one didn't work out) and bad toenails... Not that I want them to be perfect. I just want their lives to be as easy as possible. I don't want to see them struggle with trying to hard please people, or please God... I don't want Luke to let a girl break his heart just because she can! But above all, we hope that our kids will seek the Lord with all their hearts... because in the end, that's all that really matters!

A few rough weeks!

It's been a long couple of weeks for us! I'll try to be brief to catch up..... Last week, Luke and I caught the flu, and Luke had an ear infection to go along with it. This is the very first time my little boy has been sick in his life! He took it like a champ though, really. Me, on the other hand.... Well, that's a different story. I was worthless for 2 days! Heath even did laundry (or attempted) - which is unheard of. --- Ok, let me clarify on that. I'm just one to take the responsibilities of household chores. I think his job is outside of this house, and mine is inside. If I worked outside the home, we'd share household chores. But, I'm a "housewife." I don't expect help with dishes, toilet scrubbing, and laundry. Call me "old school" if you'd like.... but I think by keeping the house up, I show him my appreciation for providing for us through his work. If you stay at home, and your husband helps around the house, I don't judge that! It's just what works for Heath and me.

So, we went through our rounds of medicine. And a week into it, Luke broke out in a rash - front to back. Knowing an allergy to penicillin was in my family, I stopped the medicine, and his fever spiked around 103 the next day (last night!). Back to the doctor we went today... to get checked out and confirm the penicillin allergy, and on to a new round of antibiotics. I'm getting time to write this blog because I'm waiting 45 more minutes to sneak Luke some more Tylenol to help keep his fever down throughout the night! This sick stuff is for the birds.

All of this, while the Mama is in her first trimester of another pregnancy! I'm 9 weeks along now.. saw a good strong heartbeat at the doctor earlier this week. Praise the Lord! With Luke, I battled nausea throughout the first trimester, I had been to the doctor 10 times by week 16, they found a growth on his brain in an ultrasound of my second trimester, I was hospitalized for a kidney infection at 6 months.... Needless to say, this pregnancy is starting out MUCH better. My only complaint is fatigue.

Oh, and we are thankful for the snow. Very thankful. We needed moisture any way we could get it.... even if it meant subzero temperatures!

Now, this is just gonna sum up where I've been lately. It's 2 Corinthians 4:16-18....

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are acheiving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

There it is. I'm just comforted knowing that I am ultimately His. I am grateful that I can look back on younger memories and take pride in the fact that my faith has grown..... no matter how well, or not so well, I end up aging!